Have you been in a broken relationship? Who are your good friends? What is the truth of those you love?
“When we are in love with someone, we are prepared to tell ourselves lies about the other person in order to preserve the ‘good feelings.’ In our heart of hearts we may know that the person we adore is a liar, or an alcoholic. But to confront the truth carries consequences we are not prepared to face.”
What old friends have you left behind? Did you say a proper goodbye to them? Is it too late to bid them goodbye? Is there something you want to tell them?
How are you the same as others?
How are you the same as your friends? How are you the same as those you oppose.
What do you have in common with other human beings?
What do you have in common with all of life, animals and plants?
What do you have in common with inanimate things, like rocks and air?
Think of a broken relationship
Has someone betrayed you? Have you betrayed someone? Has your heart been broken? Have you broken someone’s heart? Who are you in conflict with, wishing and doing harm?
Think of someone you connected with (even if it was for a short time), that you shared something important, and whith whom you have parted.
Why did the enthusiasm that bonded you together fade? Was it because of changing circumstances, or mere forgetfulness? What part of the relationship was not transient? What part of it is still alive, or how could it be brought back to life?
Can you take others as yourself?
“Take others – lower, higher, equal – as yourself;
Identify yourself as ‘other.’
Then, without another thought,
Experience envy, pride, and rivalry.
“He’s the center of attention; I am nothing,
Everyone looks up to him, despising me;
All goes well for him, for me there’s only bitterness!” 141
Shantideva, The Way Of the Bodhisattva
What is the closest thing to love you have ever experienced?
What was universal about the experience – that is, what about the experience was not tied to the particular person or experience?
Who do you know with a beautiful heart that is wounded?
Who makes you feel uplifted after a conversation?
“We live in a dark and cold world. Many of us are confused; others feel alone. It is hard to find our way in a material world that conceals the path of truth. Our souls wander the earth in search of our destiny, in search of some peace. The menorah teaches us that every single encounter allows us the opportunity to bring in some light and warmth to others and to ourselves. How many people make you feel uplifted after a conversation? How many bring you down? How many of your friends bring a smile to your face? How many a scorn?” Simon Jacobson, Light, independence and persistence
Do you give extra credit to someone because of their looks?
Do you find happiness in a particular person?
Remember a pet you loved
Give an example of illusory love
Have you fallen in love with or been infatuated with someone for reasons that you later realized were false?
Have you ever been betrayed?
Practice the 'six mantras' (Thich Nhat Hanh)
The Six Mantras are six sentences that embody loving speech and let people know that you see them, you understand them, and you care for them. The first mantra is: “I am here for you.” Don’t use the second mantra until you have practiced the first and produced your presence. The second mantra is: “I know you are there, and I am very happy.”
While the first two mantras can be said several times a day, no matter what the situation, the third mantra is used when you notice that the other person is suffering. The third mantra can help the other person suffer less right away. The third mantra is: “I know you suffer, and that is why I am here for you.”
The fourth mantra is a little more difficult, especially for those of us with a lot of pride. You use the fourth mantra when you suffer and you believe that the other person has caused your suffering. The mantra is, “I suffer. Please help.” It’s a magic formula.
“This is a happy moment.” – our fifth mantra can be used when you are with someone you care about. This mantra can remind ourselves and the other person that we are very lucky, that there are so many conditions of happiness that are available in the here and now.
You use the sixth mantra when someone praises or criticizes you. You can use it equally well in both cases. The sixth mantra is: “You are partly right.” So when your loved one rhapsodizes about you, telling you that you are the very image of perfection, you can say, “You are partly right. You know that I have other things in me too.” If the other person criticizes you, you can reply, “Darling, you are only partly right, because I also have good things in me.”